Chronicles of a Yes Man: Emoji Life

As I continue to chronicle this entertaining stage of my life, I thought I would share a story and debate I had last week.

Emoji Life

I had to do some research on this one as when the emoji became part of our lives. Per a Google search, the emoji was invented in the late 1990s by a Japanese cell phone company. Apparently, in chat rooms, simple emojis like the 🙂 or now a Smiley Face was used frequently in the late 90s, and then this cell phone company started with 167 different emojis for the world to explore. Now, our phones are filled with thousands of the things. We can even create our own emoji on apps like Bitmoji that mimic our faces and characteristics. The universality of most emojis has become standard parlance for most of us in the text and social media world. Of course, the GIF or Reel can also tell a story. However for our tale today, my lack of grasp in the emoji world took center stage.

How Do I Respond To This?

So, here’s the story, I was ending another epic Yes Man weekend with friends at the Taste of Randolph this time on a Sunday night. I was hanging out with a few friends – both men and women – listening to some EDM djs at the east end of Randolph when one of my “friends” simply texted me this:

Oh, the old eggplant and a series of 3 no less.

Now, this person has been an interesting case for me, no doubt. She was a hook-up that I actually tried to date legitimately. However, the casual nature of the interaction led to several occasions when I was either left waiting hours for her to show up places or outright standing me up. So, as a sage friend has said to me, “Once they go out the side door, they can’t coming back through the front.”

Regardless of my relationship to this person, who has devolved into emoji only communication apparently. It got me to ask the question – What is the appropriate response?

As I often do in these situations, I turn to my friends to poll the group on their thoughts. I mean to me, I can interpret this text as a demand for the said eggplant, even though I do not have 3. Plus, I raised the question – “Shouldn’t she be enticing me with her anatomy instead of demanding mine?”

My immediate thought was I guess I’m supposed to send this:

Which admittedly I thought was appropriate given the circumstances, but in asking my friends – the group was a bit split on this. One woman told me that the Peach is symbolic of a booty not female sexual anatomy. The female anatomy is now the

But my friend mentioned that the color should be pink. However, my iPhone does not have that color available. That prompted me to look up the history of emojis, and indeed the Peach was the symbol up until the supposed pink taco has taken over that spot in the general lexicon. However at least the iPhone has not offered us this option in multiple colors to simulate the female anatomy.

Another friend raised a good point, “Shouldn’t the reply be something more sensual like a fruit? As a taco is not sexy.” I wholeheartedly agree with this sentiment. Replying with a taco literally makes no sense. I think it would be taken like I want to eat tacos. I wasn’t even hungry at the time. Plus, I feel like incorporating wetness in the response made sense, yet there’s no one that really wants a wet taco either, but a Peach can be wet and probably should be washed prior to any consumption or contact anyway.

This article made me think about more options. Here are some to consider:

Maybe a single winky emoji would have been a coy response to stir up more of that wet emoji feeling on the other end of the convo.

The smirky emoji, which has had a history of mixed messages even within my friend group, yet it is thought provoking and flirty.

Now, I contend that this drooling emoji is a better response to a naked or provocative photo as opposed to the Eggplant, let alone the Triple Eggplant from a heterosexual male perspective. Yet, again, she is sending me what she wants, so I suppose I’m to reply with what I want or possibly my reaction to her inquiry.

Embarrassed monkey emoji may not rev the engine of the eggplant sender, but I’ve definitely received this on occasion from someone I was sexting with in the past.

One of my buddies said, it depends on how he is feeling sometimes, but he sends the

Which seems like a lot, but maybe he meant the

Either way, I was not looking to get into Cosplay with this individual.

International Differences

As I’ve opened this discussion to others beyond the initial talk, I understand that on Whats App and on Androids another little character is being used to express themselves. This time after said activity has taken place, but in the Android vs. iPhone world, I’m not sure that really translates very well. Here is the

Android emoji

iPhone emoji

I just don’t see it as enticing the same way. The water demarcation does help Android/Whats App Otter vs. iPhone Otter.

For me, I’m more of a

Naughty devil emoji guy in these circumstances, but it is open for debate. As I write this, maybe I should have put this search history off of my work profile. Too late.

I turn to you the reader of this hotly debated question for everyone to reply.

What is the best response to the Eggplant emoji?

Incidentally, I did respond with the smirky emoji and stayed at the festival. What can I say, the Eggplant did not evoke the vibes I was looking for.

Until next time.

Wegs