Fathers and Sons

With all the calamity in the world, I thought it would be a good idea to write about an important day on the calendar. Father’s Day may fall on the 3rd Sunday of June every year, but for some reason, this year seems a little more meaningful.

My relationship with my father has been complicated over the years. For the better part of my life, he has lived in another state. However, unlike other children of divorced parents, my siblings and I did get to see my dad often. I have many fond memories of time with my dad before my parents split up. After all, in some ways I never would have started this blog without him. My love of sports and my athleticism come directly from my dad. He used to drill football passes into my gut at the age of 7, and he taught me how to throw and hit a baseball. My dad was QB1 at his high school. My grandmother used to sound off the old cowbell at all the games from what I’m told. Sure, he had my Uncle Ed take the fall for the “squirrel” that ran in front of the car, which made my dad actually crash my grandfather’s car. So, he definitely was a little wild back then. Still, I always admired how hard he worked and still had time for the 3 of us.

One of the most memorable Father’s Days from my youth was when my dad took my grandfather and my Uncle Dave to see the Cubs play. This picture shows that despite my dad’s scathing banter with my uncle that he had genuine love for my grandpa and uncle.

My high school years were a little rough with my dad away. It felt like as I was growing into a man, he got more competitive with me. That was tough. I mean for those of you that know me, you’ll never meet a more competitive person, so I guess I can thank him for that, too. I remember epic ping pong matches, skiing runs, basketball games, and the like. I mean my dad was a stud, so when my brother and I beat him and a co-worker in hoops when I was 15 I felt like I had made it. However, I wanted him for more than a sparring partner. The old Harry Chapin song, “Cats In the Cradle” has always hit me right in my soul as a reflection of our relationship. In fact my senior year after tearing my ACL, effectively ending my sports career beyond recreational, I was needing him. I vividly remember confronting him in my mom’s house on my birthday telling him that he wasn’t there for me. He responded in his way a couple weeks later by encouraging me to attend Colorado State University. My dad had lived to the Denver area at that point, so I could get state tuition there, plus I could see him more regularly. I snatched the chance. Later my brother would also attend college in the state at University of Colorado. Those years were really good. I got to see him more than ever.

When I shipped off to the Peace Corps in the Dominican Republic, we kept in touch. I’m pretty sure he thought I was crazy for doing it. My dad was a corporate man who was on pace for early retirement at 55, so the thought of me doing a near unpaid service for 2 years instead of getting a job after college must have been tough to understand. Yet, he was one of only 3 people who came to visit me there. In retrospect, I think my dad was roughly my age when he visited in 1999. I guess he would have been 48 at the time. We had a great time. I took him around to meet all my town’s people, and practically had to beat away all the ladies from the school I work at. It was funny. He jumped on the back of a pick up truck with me going 60 miles per hour to the beach with a church group. I will always give him credit for that.

As I’ve gotten older and struggled in my life, our relationship hasn’t been as great. We differ a lot politically, and I think he struggles to understand my path sometimes professionally. In my dad’s generation, you could plug into a company in your 20s and come out the other side with a full pension, benefits and stock. For me and my road less traveled life plus 2 divorces and struggles, we tend to come from very different places on things. I haven’t gone to Colorado in years, which is completely my fault and I regret not doing that, too. A few years ago, we had a very heated discussion over parking in the city at a party of mine scarring the relationship that I later regretted. Fortunately, we have continued to talk and no matter how different we see the world now, we can always talk about the NFL or golf to connect. I mean the last time we golfed together with my Uncle Dave last year I saw myself in him when he blew up on a hole, swearing non-stop. I am my father’s son.

In the end, I know that I am so lucky to have my father in my life. I know people that never even met or knew their father. I have several friends who have lost their father to cancer or tragic accidents. I even have a friend who doesn’t speak to his father anymore because he married a woman of color and his dad didn’t approve. So, no matter what happens in my life or how many forward emails my dad will send me that make me cringe, I know that I would not be the man today that I am without him. I love him, and I can only hope that when my daughter is 46 that she will still be in my life to the same degree I have my dad in mine.

He is coming out next month to visit me and see my uncle off as he retires. I’m looking forward to grabbing a beer, swinging a club or maybe just playing catch with him. That’s what this day is all about.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad!

Wegs