After a nice month off, I’m finally back to give some tips and maybe a story about dating in these streets. For those of us in the northern states, the spring flirted with us just a bit, but now we were slammed with another winter storm. So, the big spring dating season may have been curtailed for some (me for sure). Let’s figure out how we can jumpstart dating into the changing season.
Dating By Wegs
Rule 19: Clear The Way for New Beginnings
When I was a kid, I vividly remember my mom having my brother and I go through our closet every single spring, usually late March or early April. We took out all those heavy sweaters and packed them up for the attic or basement (I, honestly, don’t remember where they went). Plus, we had to go through all of our clothes to see what fit, as we were growing boys. Then, our now leaner wardrobe made up of more spring/summer appropriate wear was available. In addition to the closet cleanout, there was a literal cleaning of the house from top to bottom. We even cleaned our windows. I really hated opening up the windows that were closed for like 5-6 months to scoop out the gunk and dead flies in the base of the window sills. I understand there is a rage brought on by Marie Kondo in the video blogosphere around decluttering your home. Same concept.
Well, dating is no different. Spring is a time for new beginnings, and it is high time to get ready for it. That can mean different things to different people. It may mean literally shedding people from your dating roster. If you were able to “cuff” someone in the winter, great, but a lot of times, those cuffers do not stick. Be real with yourself. Is this person a long term possibility? Am I still having fun with this person? Or am I keeping them around because I’m lonely and want to cuddle in the cold? Look, I don’t judge. I, for one, was very inactive on the dating scene since early January. As chronicled, I had some adventures, and I’m facing a similar dilemma right now on the roster. So, making tough decisions is part of a good dating practice. Your attitude towards a particular person or even dating in general has to be adjusted. Spring is about being positive and moving forward in growth. Your dating/relationship should be to. Like the clearing of the closet, clearing space for something new in your life is both figurative and literal sometimes.
One great way to change things up and get your dating spring cleaning done is to re-do your profile. A buddy of mine is good about updating his profile every season with seasonal appropriate pics. I love this idea, and I think that refreshing your profile with at least 2 new pics or more is a great idea. Why do this? Well, maybe someone swiping has seen your profile before or several times, and the new pic is just the thing to catch their eye this time. Or more importantly, new pics show change and potential growth. You are someone who is doing new things, and you are interesting because you went to Nashville (like me) or wherever warm for spring break. We are drawing on the perception side now. Your presentation should reflect what you want to portray. You also should change your description/caption. Keep it timely. Maybe it is about spring itself or just doing outdoor activities in the sunshine again. The other thing to remember here is that the 2 biggest moving months are typically May and August. So, refreshing your profile can help you pique interest in those new people moving to the area, too.
The final piece to the spring cleaning plan is to freshen up that dating attitude. If you are me, your volume of matches/connections took a major nose dive. Now, I’m a firm believer that you will attract what you put out in the world. Personally, I pulled back quite a bit for several reasons. So, I was not putting out that same energy I had in the Fall. As a result, the pickings have been slim. It’s time to change that attitude. Fake it ’til you make it a bit. With the roster clear and the new profile set up, then start mixing it up. Work on that initial message game of yours. Take a shot with someone outside of your normal search criteria. Maybe even hit a bar or exercise class and talk to someone in person for once.
On to the story: This time last year I made the tough decision to end my marriage. It was a very literal spring cleaning for me. I had to restart my life from scratch. I stayed at my buddy’s place for a couple months, and one of the things I used to do was frequent the local corner bar – Four Shadows. Yes, the same place where we did some podcast live events in March for Side Actoin. I’m a social guy, but even though I decided to end my marriage, emotionally I was not really in the dating zone yet. I struggled to find my new single rhythm. Now besides drinking an obscene amount in those 2 months, I started initiating conversations with strangers at the bar. It really didn’t matter who – men, women, the bartenders, whoever was close by. Sometimes, it was fairly uncomfortable emotionally to open myself up to the people around me. In fact, the old me had to make room for the new me. Over the course of those 6-8 weeks, I honestly felt like I could talk to anyone. It was like dating boot camp.
One other element I did not mention above that I did religiously was workout. So, not only did I train myself emotionally, but physically in this spring change of mine. As I’ve chronicled before, later in the that timeframe, my friend introduced me to Bumble. The truth is my banter/small talk game was so strong at that point, and the #1 thing anyone needs in dating – Confidence – was off the charts. My attitude to just be willing and open to talk and dial into the person in front of me really served me well over the rest of the year of dating.
In my case last year, spring cleaning was a lot more involved than what I hope you will face or for myself this year (although that divorce should get finalized at some point soon – another new beginning!!). However, the lesson is imbedded within my experiences. Change does not come easy. No one wants to clean out the dead flies from the window sill each spring, but in order to let the fresh air in your life in the form of a new person, you have clear the path both with your actions and your attitude. Open up your heart and your mind with the coming spring. Spruce up the profile and let it rip.
We all can have another great spring of dating ahead of us.
Wegs