It’s hard to believe in this day and age with such real time communication and ability to pinpoint location that the old ways of doing things still happen. On one side of the coin, I encourage meeting the old fashioned way, but with that can come the other side, too.
Dating By Wegs
Rule #18: Face Adversity with a Smile
As a dater, you will face adversity. I mean through this process for me, one of the best first date topics is the worst dates someone has had. We all have to endure the boring date or the rude date or even the self-centered date. That is part of the contract you sign when you are putting yourself in the world to meet new people. However, that assumes you actually have a date. Someone agrees to meet you somewhere for some activity/meal/beverage.
In the old days, the classic “Stand Up” was just that. You spoke with a person probably on the phone, made plans to meet somewhere and you were literally standing and waiting for the person to show up. I have to admit that I only remember once or maybe twice in my life that I have been stood up. I do remember one time in my last single stint when the woman was actively communicating with me, but she was running woefully late – like over an hour. Back then, I had kind of a hard and fast rule of 30 minutes and I would leave, since I value my time and the person I date should, too. In that case, I waited an entire hour, and informed the person I was leaving. She then proceeded to blow up my Nokia cell like 15 times. I was strong and just let it go to voicemail. Incidentally, this same person also wrote me a crazy email after a week or so proclaiming her love for me and how I broke her heart – WE NEVER MET!! Oh, those Craigslist dates were fun back in the day.
So, back to the point, we will all face adversity on these dates as in life. All you can do is make the most out of it. Smile through that boring date or work on your probing question game with someone who is only focused on themselves. Every experience in the dating world is ammo for that really good date you will have in the future. Plus, getting proverbially shit on during a date will hopefully make you truly recognize when you connect with someone and have a truly wonderful dating experience. You need to be able to know the difference between a truly good date and a crappy one.
Now, as you may have been noticing, my dating frequency has dropped considerably in 2019. There are a lot of reasons for that. As you read last week, I am emotionally wrapped up in my younger, fun friend quite a bit. So, I have not been as active in making connections. Plus, to be completely honest, between the Singles Mixer and Valentine’s Day, I was actively avoiding major entanglements – I don’t need a serious Valentine right now. With that said, I still swipe and message whenever possible. I like to keep my options open, and with my young friend going to CA (even if this experience was before knowing that), I have to keep those communication skills up.
I was on Hinge, my favorite app, and I matched with a very attractive woman in her late 20s. Beyond her pretty face, I liked her comment of being a “Half Ass Vegan.” That made me laugh, as in many ways I am the same – note eating Green Street Meats in the last post. Later in her profile, which of course I read, she said the way to her heart was through Cheesecake. So, I had to hit her about the true contrarian approach of Veganism and the love of Cheesecake.
We had a nice banter back and forth about it actually. I was giving her a hard time about the Cheesecake and the like. Eventually, I thought I’d be creative and also thoughtful in inviting her to what I labeled a “Cheesecake Date” at the establishment of her choice. She really liked the Cheesecake Factory (https://www.thecheesecakefactory.com/), so we were scheduled to meet on a Friday evening at 6 PM at the one downtown.
Now, over the past 6 weeks or so, I’ve been getting absolutely crushed at work. I mean I never work this hard. I usually am out the door right at 5 PM or earlier. This particular week was extremely stressful in so many ways, and with a last minute project that I had to complete, I caught myself leaving my Northbrook office at 5:20 PM. I did message my date through the Hinge app earlier in the day telling her how I was excited to meet her at say 2 PM. Then, when I was actually leaving late, I sent another message saying, “Can we do 6:30 PM? I’m leaving the office late.” I thought that was more than reasonable, and with traffic, there was no way of getting downtown in 40 minutes.
I drove as quickly as I could. I even diverted from the Google route to save a few minutes. I pulled into a parking spot at 6:35 PM and messaged that was almost there. Upon arrival at the Cheesecake Factory, I proceeded to walk around the place looking for my date. I had never met her, but I didn’t see anyone resembling the person in the photos. I sat at the bar, ordered a Manhattan, and messaged, “Are you here? I’m at the bar.” It was 6:40 or so. I waited. The Manhattan was ok, nothing special. I watched some sports highlights, and after about 10 minutes with no reply, I started to feel like I was being stood up.
As a lot of people do, I started texting friends to see what they were up to. In the end, I waited about 40 minutes, got the check for this $17 Manhattan, and left. I never did hear from the Half Ass Vegan, and she actually unmatched me the next morning. Luckily, a married friend of mine was making dinner with her family, and I kinda invited myself over. They are going full Keto, and I enjoyed a Keto-friendly Shepherd’s pie (my own Half Ass Veganism coming out) with my favorite set of 8 year old Indian Twins.
My friend, her husband and daughters had to laugh about me going to the Cheesecake Factory at all, let alone for a date. Still, we had a fun night, as I recounted several of my dating stories. In fact, another friend of hers came over, and it was at this very table where my dating journey on the apps began just 8 or 9 months prior. So, my night was not spent learning about this Half Ass Vegan and her world, but about the world of the 8 year olds and all their classroom adventures, then later adults laughing at my varied exploits in the dating world.
You can’t win them all, folks, but you can make the most out of your night. Plus, I know to never make a date for the Cheesecake Factory or order a cocktail there, ever again.
Good luck dating this weekend.
Wegs