I think I have focused a lot of time and posts to the dating experience itself and how to approach it. For a lot of people including some gracious readers who have commented on the posts, the toughest part of dating for them is putting themselves out there. So, this post will be talking to all of you.
Dating By Wegs
Rule #11 – Confidence is Sexy
I think we have all heard this saying before – “Confidence is sexy.” Maybe we should jump into why that is first. I think that on its surface, the person at the front of the crowd or willing to talk to or do almost anything will always grab our attention. Why do we love movie stars and pop icons? Their looks may have something do with it, but they are out there doing their thing laying it all out on the line. At some level, they show us the courage that they are not afraid to be out in front of us. That confidence in themselves is both admirable and attractive because they stand out. Incidentally, I have some experience with the acting world, and you may be surprised to find a lot of actors are actually pretty self-conscious and anxiety ridden about performing. However, we as the audience would never know.
I think as daters we can use that same lesson here. The person you are dating does not know you may be a nervous wreck on that first date or even a second one. So, it really is the confidence you portray that they see. In reality, they may be just as anxious or awkward in this situation. Think about how attractive you would be if you came off as the one who was relaxed, under control and completely comfortable in your own skin? More on this in a second.
I want to acknowledge that dating in and of itself is a challenge for the simple fact that you are taking a risk. You are putting yourself on display, not unlike an actor or singer, for an audience of one. That person will make judgments about you, tell their friends, write blogs, etc. about the experience. So, any dater has the absolute right to be scared as hell to meet someone new. How do we get over this and go from anxious to confident?
I wrote in another post about focusing on yourself, and that ties in to this Confidence rule. You have to start by knowing who you are and what you are looking for. Then, you can just hang loose and be yourself on this date. It may have seemed like I’m saying to just fake being confident earlier, but really, I want you to BE CONFIDENT! The only way to do that is by being comfortable in who you are. It doesn’t even matter who is across the table from you. The key is carrying yourself with that internal strength radiating through you. You are 100% you, and that is what will ultimately make you an attractive person to others.
To wrap this concept up, Confidence is more than dressing like James Bond or having a good sense of humor. It really is being and knowing who you are and what you want out of this date. Then, you can truly be present in the specific interaction and share a bit of yourself with this person. If they are not feeling it or you aren’t for that matter, then NEXT!! That attitude of the Abundance Principle should help you exude the confidence that this one date is not the end all be all and you have a lot to offer the next person. Plus, like anything, the more experience you have in meeting new people, the more confident and natural you will become on future dates.
On to the dating experience now, it is a bit of a stretch in this post, as I do know this person already. However, I think Confidence is still part of every interaction you are involved in. I may have mentioned this place before, but I have been trying to find a taker on the Magic Lounge in Chicago for months now. So, when a friend of mine who admittedly I have definite interest in was available, I pitched the date – “Wanna go to the Magic Lounge?” Her initial response was – “Sure, it looks nice.” She seemed less than excited, but that was all I needed. A bit about the Lounge itself, located in Andersonville not far from my place, you need to purchase your tickets in advance, as they sell out almost every show, especially on Friday and Saturday (The Signature Show).
Here is the website – https://www.chicagomagiclounge.com/welcome
Here is where Confidence comes in. For a lot of people, magic can kind of be a dorky thing to do. I mean we all have either done tricks as a kid or had that cousin who tried to pull it off at the family reunion with mixed results. I was never a magician, but in the spirit of trying new things, I felt good to try this place. I will admit I had attended a holiday party prior to the date, so I was feeling pretty good – translation lubed up with a few beers. I was extremely excited about seeing my date, of course, but I was going to enjoy myself regardless of my date’s enjoyment.
I met my friend at a nearby bar for a drink prior and then on to the Magic Lounge. It has a speakeasy feel, as you have to enter a faux laundromat façade. One of the machines opens and then you are in this classic library feel. Finally after the library panel opens (another faux facade) you are in the main stage area with tables, a stage and a couple of levels – no more than 75 seats. Very classy feel to it.
I was a bit nervous that my date wouldn’t like it, so I thanked her about 6 times for coming. However, I was quite confident that the show would be good. It was. They have these House Magicians that come around to your seats/table to do what is called “Close Up” Magic also known as “Chicago-style” Magic. In fact, later in the program, I learned there used to be several bars in Chicago with a magic show. One of the first was a place called Schulien’s that is now O’Donovan’s (my long time softball sponsor bar – that explains why they have a Magician most nights there still – which I admit I’ve called creepy more than once). We saw a bevy of card, coin and other small sleight of hand tricks. My enthusiasm was contagious and in no time, my date was proclaiming, “It’s Magic!!”
The main show started about an hour in with 2 acts that had been on Penn & Teller’s Show – Fool Us. They did several tricks that dazzled the crowd. The whole experience was awesome – great drinks, good entertainment, and great company. So, I was very happy I stuck to my guns in continuing to ask dates to the Magic Lounge. Persistence and Confidence won out!
I will see my friend again, for sure, and I was happy to share such a fun night together. I also will never call the O’Donovan’s magician creepy again.
Now, it’s your turn. It’s time to build up that confidence in yourself by knowing who you are and what you want. That will exude that attractive energy, and your dates will be drawn in. Before you know it, the Magic will happen for you.
Wegs