A few years ago when I was between marriages, a good friend of mine, Johnny U, rolled out this concept to me. The idea was based on years of field work for this guy who had been single in Chicago for over a decade at the time. As I embraced the knowledge that my friend gave me, I also had to test it out, of course. Before I go into the theory and practice of it, let’s focus on this week’s rule.
Dating By Wegs
Rule #7 – Focus On Yourself
The single most important thing to remember as you progress in your dating experience is that it is about you. Now, this does not mean that you should only talk about yourself on a date or be so into your interests that you miss out on a potential partners. What I mean by this is you should be focusing on your growth as a person – learning, exploring, and adapting to the world you are living in. You can do this in a variety of ways. For me, obviously, this blog post is a bit of therapy for me to actually express the ideas I have on the topic. In addition, I use the dating experience to expand my universe both in terms of meeting new and interesting people, as well as exploring this great city I live in. Certainly, one can focus on themselves without dating, and I encourage anyone who is coming out of a break up or perhaps struggling in other aspects of their life to take some time to get stronger emotionally in whatever way you need to. However, the only way you can become a better dater and potential partner to someone out there is by really knowing who you are and ultimately what you want. For me, that comes in the form of actually spending time with new people.
Now, on to this theory, my friend has. What do you mean by the Seasons of Dating?
(Oh, it’s here, Chicago!)
Seasons of Dating
In Chicago, like a lot of places in the northern part of the US and I suppose Canada, we have 4 distinct season. Now, in recent years with global warming, those seasons have changed, too, but the pattern of dating within the year really hasn’t. Now, I want to preface this section that this theory is mostly based on heterosexual couples. I cannot speak with any experience on how same sex couples would act given the same conditions. I’ve tried my best to be as gender neutral and have given information based on all dating relationships so far. However, I’m going to roll this explanation out as I know it, so applying it to other relationship possibilities will be up to you. Of course, there are variations within this system, but I am going to speak in wide generalities. The basic concept of this theory is that women control the dating game by their availability. Now, you may contend that guys are the ones playing the game and work in and out of relationships more, however at its core, women and their availability in a broader sense control the flow of dating. Not every woman is going to act completely the same, but in Chicago given years of anecdotal evidence and first hand experience I can safely say that this theory holds up.
Let’s start where we are now. It is early November. The weather has turned much colder outside. So, at this point in the dating calendar, we are in the beginning of what I will call the Hibernation Season. This season is the longest one spanning from roughly November 1st until mid-March. During the Hibernation season, most women have identified someone to couple with to get through the long winter months. Another term for this is “Cuffing.” The idea that an eligible woman locks up a worthy gent (I suppose this could be any iteration of relationship). As November progresses towards the first major holiday, Thanksgiving, if a suitable “cuff” or snuggle buddy has not presented themselves then there can be a great bit of worry and sometimes desperation to find someone. As no one, man or woman, really wants to go to holiday parties alone or spend those long winter nights without a warm body to snuggle with. In the Seasons of Dating, this can be the toughest time for anyone – man or woman. You’ve probably had a fun summer and hearty fall, and now the demands of the holidays with family and work functions starts to stack up. As the Hibernation season progresses, December with Christmas and New Years rolls on with not a lot of openings for true “dating.” It is a period of the year when dating is at its trough, and non-committed social activity slows because its too damn cold and all the other obligations. Sure, you can meet someone new at a holiday party and there are plenty of singles events like the Eve of the Eve in Chicago, but for the most part, the availability of partners (women in my case) is pretty slim. The Hibernation season rolls to a close around the last major winter holiday – Valentine’s Day. The ideal “cuff” or cuddle partner will make it that far, however the typical pattern for a lot of people is to break up in and around Valentine’s Day. This shedding of your winter mate can be a painful one. Hopefully, people are able to get through this without too much drinking or eating of ice cream because the next great dating season is about to begin.
The Open Season is the next Season of the Dating Calendar and the official opening of the season is Chicago’s greatest holiday – St. Patrick’s Day. It is as if all the singles who were once cuffed for the winter are lined up at the starting line and a gun is shot off. St. Patrick’s Day is a huge party in Chicago and with the festivities there are many drunk and fun people to meet and hopefully connect with – making out, numbers, whatever. As the weather warms in Chicago, people are out of Hibernation Season and ready to celebrate. Even on days when the temperature only gets in the low 50s, Chicagoans celebrate by wearing shorts and Sun Dresses to feel alive again. It is this great dating season, the 2nd best of the year, where singles are mingling and enjoying all that Chicago has to offer. The Open Season runs from St. Patrick’s Day until Memorial Day. In this roughly 60 day period, there is a flurry of dating activity, as in my case, the young women out there are willing to get out and try a new place as the weather is not so oppressive. Unfortunately, the Open Season does end, as the next season is upon us after Memorial Day.
Summer Fun Season is the next season. This period from Memorial Day to Labor Day is the greatest time to be in Chicago. Between the street festivals, summer concerts, rooftop and patio bars, there really is nothing like being in the Chi. The only problem from a dating perspective is that my experience with the eligible women here is they are so busy. They have their summer trips and fun runs, sports teams (which I participate in, as well). So, it is actually quite difficult to connect with someone in the summer. Yes, there are summer flings and random hook ups after a drunk night at a festival, but actual dating and establishment of a longer term dating relationship can be quite difficult. Personally, I like to just enjoy the summer in Chicago, and I think most of the women out there do the same. So, it takes some patience for the final and best Dating Season to start.
Closing Season is the last Season of Dating. This period from Labor Day until Halloween is hands down the best time to date in Chicago. Truly, this period is the actual “Cuffing” season, as women are most active in finding that person for the long Hibernation Season ahead. So, discerning singles are out dating in droves with a mid-range to long range commitment in mind. In my experience, the availability of eligible women is markedly increased in this period. Plus, since the weather is still decent with some beautiful days, but not quite as hot as the summer, the array of activities that can be enjoyed is unparalleled. As October takes hold, the best opportunity to couple up is at a wild Halloween Party, which is the unofficial end to the Dating Calendar. Many a relationship in Chicago has begun in some costume at a random bar in the Chi. Then, into November, the pickings get slimmer again, as the Seasons roll on once more.
So, how does Focusing On Yourself factor into the Seasons? Well, for me, I’m a veteran of the Seasons of Dating arc here in Chicago. So, coming out of the marriage, I knew that I would not be really ready for a significant relationship out of the gates. In fact, I was quite lucky that the timing worked out for me in this regard. I was dating some in the Summer Fun Season, but in the back of my mind, I knew that most people also were not looking for anything too serious. Then, as I approached the Closing Season I was definitely ready to date a lot more and take advantage of the availability of quality women in their search for someone suitable for the Hibernation Season. I coupled my knowledge of the Seasons to match up with my own arc knowing full well that the likelihood of me being alone in the Hibernation Season was quite high. I’m totally ok with that. I have enough going on to keep me occupied and if that means less dating during the holidays, that is just fine. I will continue to write, do my podcast, coach, and see family and friends. I know I do not need to be with someone during the Hibernation Season and I’ll be just as happy. Now, I’m not closing the door on something substantial, and admittedly, I have met several great women I would like to see during these winter months. However, I’m coming from a place of strength knowing I made the most of the bulk of the Seasons of Dating calendar this year. Also, if nothing significant comes during the Hibernation Period, then I will really gear up for the Open Season and take the city by storm. Everyone is different, so it is important to know yourself and your needs as you progress through this calendar. It is totally ok to have that snuggle buddy, even if they are not “The One.” Just be mindful of your feelings and the other person’s as you spend time together.
Hopefully, you found this foray into this theory helpful. I certainly did back then and now.
Now, get out there before the full Hibernation Season takes hold and do what is best for you.
Wegs